Buff Jokes ;)

[Joe]

Seems many Husker fans are starting early on the Buff Jokes over at ESPN, so we opened a thread here too for your Buff Jokes!

Fire away!! :laugh4:

[Nebpakfan30]

A Husker Fan is having breakfast one morning: Coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jelly. When a Colorado Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Husker Fan ignores the Colorado Fan, who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Colorado Fan: "You Nebraska folk eat the whole bread?"

Husker Fan: " Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (after blowing a large bubble) "We don't in Colorado, we Only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Nebraska."

The Colorado Fan has a smirk on his face.

The Husker Fan listens in silence. The Colorado Fan persists.

Colorado Fan: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

Husker Fan: "Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth & chuckling) "We don't. In Colorado we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and jelly and sell it to Nebraska."

The Husker Fan then asks, "Do you have sex in Colorado?"

Colorado Fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a smirk.

Husker Fan: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Colorado Fan: "We throw them away, of course?"

Husker Fan: "We don't. In Nebraska, we put them all in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to Colorado."

[Nebpakfan30]

How can you tell when a Colorado graduate has sent you a fax?

There's a stamp on it.

[Nebpakfan30]

At A Bar In Boulder...
A man walks into a bar in Boulder, Colorado and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a joke about how stupid the Colorado Football team is.

The bartender tells the man that he wouldn't mind hearing the joke but that he needs to point out a couple of people to him that are in the bar.

The bartender then points to a HUGE man seated at one end of the bar and explains that this guy was an All- American offensive lineman for Colorado last season.

The bartender then points out another HUGE man seated at a table near the bar and explains that he was a Colorado Linebacker a couple of years ago.

Then the bartender tells the man that he himself was a Quarterback for Colorado several years ago and that he had a baseball bat behind bar.

The bartender then asks the man if he still wanted to tell his joke and the man replied, "Heck no, I don't want to have to explain it 3 times!

[Nebpakfan30]

"But I'm Not A Buffs Fan"

Two boys are playing football in Colorado when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Buffs Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Buffs fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Colorado, I just assumed you were," says the reporter.

Again, he starts writing in his notebook: "Colorado State Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack."

But the boy interrupts sheepishly, "I'm not really a Colorado State fan either." "I just assumed that everyone in Colorado was either a fan of the CU Buffaloes or CSU Rams. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan," the child says proudly.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."

[Nebpakfan30]

Colorado Pilot

Due to the recent downturn in the economy, many Colorado fans are crossing into Nebraska in an attempt to find work.

Nebraska has implemented border patrols in order to curtail this activity, requiring that all those entering from Colorado have a skilled trade.

Recently near Parks, NE a Colorado native was stopped by the NE State Patrol. The patrolman inquired as to his trade: "I'm a pilot"; stated the Colorado fan, and the Patrolman let him pass.

The next Colorado car in line pulls up to the checkpoint, and the Patrolman again asks the question. "Why, I cut timber"; stated the driver.

"I'm sorry sir but you're going to have to turn around" said the Patrolman.

"But you just let my brother cross!" exclaimed the driver of the second vehicle. "Yes sir", explained the patrolman: "because your brother said that he was a pilot."

"Well, that just shows how stupid you are" said the Colorado fan, "He can't pile it, if I don't cut it!"

[Nebpakfan30]

Two buffalo were getting divorced. They were at a court hearing to decide who would get custody of their kid. After the judge came out of his chambers, he said, "After reviewing both of your cases, I have decided to grant custody to the mother."

The kid started whining and crying. The judge asked, "What's wrong?"

"My mother beats me," the kid said.

"Well, I guess I'll have to grant custody to the father then", the judge said.

The kid started whining and crying some more. The judge asked, "What's wrong now?"

The kid said, "My father beats me even more."

"Well, you don't want to live with your mother because she beats you and you don't want to live with your father because he beats you. Where do you want to live?" the judge asked.

"I wanna live with the Colorado Buffaloes, they don't beat anybody!"

[Nebpakfan30]

(WASHINGTON, DC)--If any of you are collecting the new state quarters, you may have to wait a while for the Colorado ones.

The US Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Colorado quarters. "We are recalling all of the new Colorado quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Russell Shackelford said in a press conference Monday.

"This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin- operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw," said Skackelford.

The winning design for the Colorado quarter was submitted by University of Colorado at Boulder student William Doutrieux.

"Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

[Nebpakfan30]

Why do Colorado football players like smart women?
Opposites attract.

[Nebpakfan30]

What does the average Colorado player get on his SAT’s?

Drool.

[Nebpakfan30]

You are stuck in a cave with an angry grizzly bear, a mountain lion and a Colorado fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the Colorado fan….twice.

[Nebpakfan30]

What do you call 20 Colorado fans laying on the lawn?

Fertilizer.

[Nebpakfan30]

A University of Colorado football player walks into the doctors office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on top of his head. The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”

The frog replies, “Can you take this wart off my butt?”

[Nebpakfan30]

How do you get a Colorado cheerleader into your doom room?

Grease her hips and push.

[Nebpakfan30]

Why do Colorado football players put their diplomas on the dashboard?

So they can park in a handicapped spot.

[Nebpakfan30]

What is the most common phrase used by a former Colorado football player?

Would you like fries with that?

[Nebpakfan30]

How do you keep a Colorado football player out of your yard?

Put up a goalpost.

[Nebpakfan30]

What do you say to an Colorado football player dressed in a three piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

[Nebpakfan30]

What do you call an Colorado football player with a National Championship ring?

Thief.

[Nebpakfan30]

If three Colorado football players are in a car, who is driving?
The police officer.

[Husker Fanatic]

Lets hear some new ones for 2009!

[huskergod84]

How do you get a CU football player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza!!!